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Les Poissons (Po version)
Inside the dining room table, Stitch was standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While Jumba was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, Stitch was waiting patiently for Lilo to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the blue creature. "Oh, Stitch, be reasonable," said Jumba, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" Stitch cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, Jumba, she was REAL!" he said, "I'm gonna find that girl. And I'm gonna marry her." He put his left hand over his chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind him. He turned his head to see the lover with the waitress. "Come on, honey." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Rosalina. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lover into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Lilo. Lilo was now wearing a red dress with short, puffy sleeves sleeves (similar to Cinderella's dress), matching opera gloves, a black choker, and glass slippers. She was still wearing her pink flower. This was a new look for Lilo, and she showed that she was being treated well by the servants. Stitch's eyes widened as Jumba walked up behind the blue experiment. "Oh, Stitch, isn't she a vision?" asked Jumba. The grin he had was never slipping off his face. Stitch's mouth hung open. But he closed his mouth and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." Stitch stammered. Lilo, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her brown eyes looked up from behind her black hair. Stitch blushed a light pink as Jumba helped Stitch into his chair, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princess a light nudge. Stitch pursed his lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess into her seat. Stitch tucked the chair under the table as the Hawaiian human girl sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh, Stitch?" Lilo wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object and began brushing her hair with it. She looked up to face a confused Stitch and a horrified Jumba. Lilo delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw Jumba using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Lilo understood as a 'snarfblatt'. Jumba kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." Jumbastopped in mid-sentence when the blonde-haired girl blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. Stitch cracked up with laughter while Rosalina gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. Stitch cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. I'm sorry, Jumba." Rosalina smiled, placing a hand on the blue experiment's shoulder. "Why, Stitch," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks." Lilo looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said Jumba, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Rosalina, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Rosalina smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, roast duck!" Daffy poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was an obese panda with black and white fur, green eyes, a black nose, and brown markings around his eyes. He wears a pair of patched-up burlap shorts with Shaolin wraps around his ankles, a striped red-and-gold strap around his waist, sandal-like shoes, a white chef's hat, and a matching apron. His name was Po, the French chef of the kitchen. Po rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the panda chef started singing. Po: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, Po pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Daffy horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Daffy hid his face. Po: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, Po took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Daffy leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. Po: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, Po again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Daffy tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. Po: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried Cause I love little fishes'' Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, Po pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Daffy grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but Po took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. Po: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When Po pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Daffy flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from Po's preparations for the tuna. Po: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause that makes it taste nice When Po was describing those horrid moves, Daffy cringed even more. Just after Po put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Daffy worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The small duck kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed Po, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' duck and continued singing, Po: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent duck? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt Po tossed Daffy into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his beak. Po: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Daffy spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. Po didn't notice that the duck in his hand was still alive. Po: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' Po threw Daffy across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Daffy held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. Po, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the meerkat, picking up Daffy and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Daffy pecked at Po's nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Daffy landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. Po reached for the meerkat, but instead put his hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. Po grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Dadfy an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the duck. Daffy, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Daffy pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, Po lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Daffy running for his life. Daffy screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath Po and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. Po screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Daffy hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Rosalina, who was pouring drinks for the prince, Jumba, and their young guest, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Po is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Daffy. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "Po!" shouted Rosalina. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Rosalina shrill voice. His apron was torn and stained, his chef's hat and strap were gone, he only had one shoe, and there was a hole in in his pants, revealing red and green checkered underwear. "What are you doing?" Rosalina demanded. Po stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Rosalina scowled at the fat panda as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on his furry cheek. Rosalina picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. Jumba set his glass back on the table as the Rosalina placed their dinners in front of him, Lilo, and Stitch. "You know, Stitch," he said. "perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" Stitch simply sat there, staring at Lilo with a lovestruck expression on his face. Realizing that Jumba had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. Stitch let out a small chuckle and looked at Jumba. "I'm sorry, Jumba." he said, "What was that?" Jumba leaned over to the blue experiment and whispered, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As Jumba complained, he opened his dish, and Daffy was huddled inside. Lilo noticed Daffy and became worried. Daffy quietly shushed the worried Hawaiian human girl, who opened her dish and urged for Daffy to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, Jumba, easy." said Stitch, "It's not a bad idea. If she's interested." As the two chatted, Daffy quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Lilo's dish. With Daffy safe, Lilo quickly turned to Stitch. "Well, what do you say?" asked Stitch. "Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?" Lilo nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved. "Wonderful!" beamed Jumba. "Now let's eat, before this duck wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Daffy had just run off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba went their separate ways. Lilo was now dressed in her nightclothes as she watched Stitch play with Bambi from the balcony. Lilo was now wearing mint green pajamas consisting of an undershirt and pants. "Come here boy!" Stitch laughed to Bambi, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Bambi ran up to him and called, "Here I come, Stitch!" Stitch growled playfully at the deer as he pinned him down. He looked up and smiled when he saw that the Hawaiian human girl he'd found on the beach that day, watching. Stitch waved at Lilo, and she waved back, before slipping further back into her room. Stitch's eyes sparkled as his smile widened. He was actually really looking forward to taking her around his kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that she felt the same way. Lilo smiled as she brushed her hair with her fork. Daffy complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Lilo patted Daffy on the head. "I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the duck, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Lilo while she walked over to her bed. Lilo's bed was a large canopy bed with mint-turquoise mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large red curtains (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the red canopy), red blankets, white linens, a warm, fuzzy red blanket, & mint-turquoise mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Daffy told Lilo, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that alien boy to kiss you." She opened the curtains and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Daffy. Lilo lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Daffy went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Lilo was already fast asleep. Daffy shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He hopped onto one of Lilo's pillows, closed the curtains, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Lilo covered him up with her red blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Lilo and Daffy both fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:Hero/Heroine Songs Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs Category:Songs